Meme Of The Moment

What Am I?

2006-09-05T18:55:00.000-05:00

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.

In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.

Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.

After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.

Hide/Show Answer

Sunday Satire

2006-09-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

The Scottish Student

A student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye, was living in the hall of residence during his first year.

After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit, no doubt carrying reinforcements of oatmeal.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "They're such terrible noisy people! The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop.

The one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!"

"Oh, Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?"

"Mother, I do nothing, I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!"

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Scottish, Student

Picto-puzzle 10

2006-09-02T10:50:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-09-01T20:30:00.000-05:00

- Barney, the famous dinosaur that entertains kids is from Dallas.

- Close to 3 billion movie tickets are sold in India every year.

- In 1894, the carnival made its debut in North America.

- In the movie "The Matrix Reloaded" a 17 minute battle scene cost over $40 million to produce.

- Kermit the frog delivered the commencement address at Southampton College located in the state of New York in 1996.

- Mardi Gras means "Fat Tuesday."

- The "naked recreation and travel" industry has grown by 233% in the past decade.

- The accent that Mike Myers used for the character Shrek came from the accent that his mother would use when she was telling him bedtime stories when he was a child.

- The first restaurant to open in Hollywood was the Musso & Frank Grill in 1919.

- Surveys indicate that the number one reason people play Bingo is for leisure.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Wonders of the World

2006-08-31T17:24:00.000-05:00

Here are some of the great wonders of the world.

1. Pyramids of Giza in Egypt

2. Great Wall of China in China

3. Taj Mahal in India

4. Serengeti Migration in Kenya & Tanzania

5. Galapagos Islands in Ecuador

6. Grand Canyon in United States

7. Machu Picchu in Peru

8. Iguazu Falls in Argentina & Brazil

9. Bali in Indonesia

10. Amazon Rain Forest in Brazil & Peru

11. Ngorongoro Crater in Tanzania

12. Great Barrier Reef in Australia

13. Angkor Wat in Cambodia

Well, that's this week's "Thursday Thirteen"! Here's to those who wonder about the wonders!

Dance!

2006-08-29T19:35:00.000-05:00

Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight!

Memes, Dancers

Sunday Satire

2006-08-27T10:23:00.000-05:00

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lápiz."
A student asked what gender is 'computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Spanish, Computer

Picto-puzzle 9

2006-08-26T19:12:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-08-25T17:18:00.000-05:00

- A crocodile can open and close its jaw but cannot move it side to side.

- A female ferret can die if she goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

- A leech has 32 brains.

- A mole can dig a tunnel three hundred feet long in a single night.

- A species of earthworm, "Megascolides australis," in Australia can grow up to fifteen feet in length.

- A turtle can breathe through its butt.

- An individual coral animal is called a polyp.

- Centipedes always have an uneven pairs of walking legs.

- Every single hamster in the United States today comes from a single litter captured in Syria in 1930.

- Scallops have approximately 100 eyes around the edge of its shell.

- Sharks are immune to cancer.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Long Words

2006-08-24T20:13:00.000-05:00

Here are some of the longest words in the english language.

1. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

2. Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism

3. Floccinaucinihilipilification

4. Antidisestablishmentarianism

5. Spectrophotofluorometrically

6. Hepaticocholangiogastrostomy

7. Psychoneuroendocrinological

8. Radioimmunoelectrophoresis

9. Pneumoencephalographically

10. Thyroparathyroidectomized

11. Psychophysicotherapeutics

12. Immunoelectrophoretically

13. Otorhinolaryngological

Well, that's this week's "Thursday Thirteen"! I hope you enjoyed the sesquipedalianism words!

A Cat's Rap

2006-08-22T18:24:00.000-05:00

Who said cats can't dance?!

Memes, Cats

Sunday Satire

2006-08-20T08:49:00.000-05:00

What Not To Name Your Dog

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine Sex.

Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said,"But this is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night!" The clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex."

My case comes up Friday.

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Dog

Picto-puzzle 8

2006-08-19T21:52:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-08-18T20:19:00.000-05:00

- No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, or purple.

- "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."

- A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

- 7-Eleven was the first convenience store to have television advertising. The animated commercial ran in 1949 and had a singing rooster and owl.

- The Arctic Tern, which is a small bird, can fly a round trip from the Arctic to the Antarctic and back. This can be as long as twenty thousand miles per year. This is the longest migration for a bird.

- A baby octopus is about the size of a flea when it is born.

- Vampire bat saliva has been responsible for many advances in research into stroke recovery.

- Bhutan issued a stamp in 1973 that looked like a record and actually would play the Bhutanese national anthem if placed on a record player.

- Female and male black bears cannot tolerate being around each other except when they breed.

- The blind cavefish is born with eyes, but they fall off as the fish grows.

- In Czechoslovakia, there is a church that has a chandelier made of human bones.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Odd Pets

2006-08-17T19:31:00.000-05:00

Here are some pets that are sure to surprise your friends!

1. Madagascar hissing cockroach

2. Scorpion

3. Piranha

4. Tarantula

5. Hermit Crab

6. Stick Insect

7. Sugar Glider

8. Potbellied Pig

9. Skink

10. Wallaby

11. Hedgehog

12. Degu

13. Ferret

Well, that's this week's "Thursday Thirteen"! Make sure you pet your pet!

Optical Illusions

2006-08-16T19:02:00.000-05:00

What do you see in these optical illusions?

Optical Illusions, Illusions, Memes

A Cat's Life

2006-08-15T18:03:00.000-05:00

It's a cat's life.

Memes, Cats

Sunday Satire

2006-08-13T10:40:00.000-05:00

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Mime, Zoo

Picto-puzzle 7

2006-08-12T15:50:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-08-11T20:14:00.000-05:00

- Mr. Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister.

- Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

- In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

- Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"

- In 1983, a Japanese artist, Tadahiko Ogawa, made a copy of the Mona Lisa completely out of ordinary toast.

- American novelist Mark Twain was the first known author to submit a typed manuscript.

- Caterpillar means "hairy cat" in Old French.

- Lachanophobia is the fear of vegetables.

- The Hawaiian alphabet only has 12 letters.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Common Internet Slang

2006-08-10T19:50:00.000-05:00

1. LOL - Laughing Out Loud

2. ROFL - Roll On the Floor

3. OMG - Oh My God

4. BRB - Be Right Back

5. BBL - Be Back Later

6. BTW - By The Way

7. G2G - Got To Go

8. IMHO - In My Humble Opinion

9. n00b - A mocking term for a new user

10. WTH - What The Hell

11. LMAO - Laughing My Ass Off

12. INMP - It's Not My Problem

13. BFN - Bye For Now

Well, that's this week's "Thursday Thirteen"! TTYL!

Hypnotize Yourself

2006-08-09T17:06:00.000-05:00

Experience hypnosis to help improve yourself through relaxation and sharpening your perceptions!

Hypnosis, Memes

Hopscotch Anyone?

2006-08-08T15:29:00.000-05:00

Want to play some hopscotch? Be careful though!

Jokes, Memes, Stick Figure, Hopscotch

Let's do some sight-seeing!

2006-08-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

Want to go sight-seeing? Watch as this guy Matt dances in different parts of the world! Inspirational for people wanting to travel the world.

How much do you love Pringles?

2006-08-07T10:13:00.000-05:00

Pringles, Pringles, everywhere!

Sunday Satire

2006-08-06T08:32:00.000-05:00

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?" The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!" The little old lady just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?" "Ok, have it your way", said the president, and they shook hands on it. "See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, and with that she left. Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He'd gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won. "Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the president. "He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?" "No, perfectly understandable", said the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily. "Not so fast!" said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants." The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question. "Ok, you win, here's your $100,000," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning. "What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president. "Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Gambling

Picto-puzzle 6

2006-08-05T21:37:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-08-04T21:07:00.000-05:00

- The best time for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon. This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time.

- An office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet.

- Cow is a Japanese brand of shaving foam.

- It costs about 3 cents to make a $1 bill in the United States.

- Oral-B were the first toothbrushes to go to the moon when they were aboard the Apollo 11 mission.

- Q-Tip cotton swabs were originally called Baby Gays.

- Some toothpastes and deodorants contain the same chemicals found in antifreeze.

- Teflon is the slipperiest substance in the world.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Ways to Skin a Cat

2006-08-03T18:51:00.000-05:00

You've probably heard the phrase, "There's more than one way to skin a cat." Well, here's 13!

1. Spray the cat with catnip.

2. Tie its tail to a tree.

3. Super-glue it to the ceiling.

4. Scare it constantly. Eventually, it will jump out of its skin.

5. Put the leprosy bacteria in its food.

6. Ask for a "deep trim" at your local pet salon.

7. Spray catnip on a fan.

8. Take it for a motorcycle ride (although, you might get skinned by the cat).

9. Hot sauce and Dermestid beetles.

10. Visit a professional taxidermist.

11. Do-it-yourself directions: Insert knife A into slot B. Tear forward. Rinse and repeat.

12. Offer a trade with a mink coat.

13. Get the dog to do it.

Well, that's this week's "Thursday Thirteen"! Did it get under your skin?

Natural Hallucinogen

2006-08-02T15:01:00.000-05:00

Want to experience a distortion of your perceptions? Watch this!

Hallucination

Gone Fishing

2006-07-31T17:17:00.000-05:00

Here are some of the hazards of fishing.

Jokes, Memes, Stick Figure, Fishing

Sunday Satire

2006-07-30T07:54:00.000-05:00

POLITICALLY CORRECT SEASONS GREETINGS

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes
For an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the northern hemisphere
summer solstice, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practice of your choice,
with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of
others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions
at all. And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2005,
but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures
whose contributions to society have helped make our country great, and
without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability,
religious faith, sexual orientation or choice of computer platform and
operating system of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

1. The greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
2. It is freely transferable with no alteration the original greeting.
3. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the
wishes for her/himself or others.
4. It is void where prohibited by law, and
5. It is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected with the usual application
of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a
subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is
limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the
sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer:
The color blue has not intentionally been omitted from this season.
Blue has never applied for recognition as an official colour of this
particular holiday observance and I neither oppose nor endorse the
use of the color blue.

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Seasons Greetings, Politically Correct Greeting

Picto-puzzle 5

2006-07-29T16:33:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-07-28T14:57:00.000-05:00

- You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

- Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

- The dust in your house is mostly made up of dead skin.

- Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

- The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

- Almonds are a member of the peach family.

- All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

- There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

- A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

- Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

- A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Ways to Annoy People during a Conversation

2006-07-27T15:44:00.000-05:00

1. Stare at the person's nose while they are talking.

2. Repeat everything the person said before responding.

3. Ask the person to repeat themselves constantly.

4. Walk in circles around the person as you talk.

5. Make random hand gestures, like pointing at the person's feet.

6. Stick out your tongue when the person isn't looking.

7. Use a different name every time you refer to the person.

8. Start dancing for no apparent reason.

9. Blink your eyes one at a time.

10. Switch languages now and then. If you only know one, make up words.

11. Bring up things that have nothing to do with your what you're talking about.

12. When the person is about to make their point, seem completely uninterested.

13. No matter what the person you're talking to says, respond with "And then...".

Well, that's today's "Thursday Thirteen". I hoped it annoyed you at least a little! :-|

Disappearing Car

2006-07-26T08:51:00.000-05:00

Watch as the car disappears behind the trees. Where did it go?

Stick Figure Abuse

2006-07-24T23:09:00.000-05:00

Sunday Satire

2006-07-23T10:31:00.000-05:00

Here's the top ten things that would be different if Microsoft built cars:

1. A Particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occassionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.

4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you would have to buy more seats.

5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a second, it's that way NOW!

6. Sun Microsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.

7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the new features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.

10. Ford, General Motors, and Chrylser would all be complaining because Microsoft was putting radios in all its models.

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Computers, Microsoft, Cars

Picto-puzzle 4

2006-07-22T15:37:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-07-21T10:32:00.000-05:00

- At lift off, space shuttles weight about 4.5 million pounds.

- Bill Gates house was partially designed using a Macintosh computer.

- Nintendo was first establish in 1889 and they started out making special playing cards.

- The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war.

- Butterflies taste with their feet.

- Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

- A snail can sleep for three years.

- Thirty-five percent of people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

- On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens each year.

- Everyday, U.S. business use enough paper to circle the Earth over 20 times.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Peeves & Oddities

2006-07-20T18:17:00.000-05:00

1. Name your dog "D.O.G.", your cat "Pussy", or any other pet "Peeve"!

2. A sneeze leaves your mouth a 100 miles per hour!

3. Walt Disney was afraid of mice!

4. Americans choke on toothpicks more that anything else.

5. The man who played the voice of Bugs Bunny was allergic to carrots.

6. Da Vinci spent 12 years painting Mona Lisa's lips.

7. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

8. Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.

9. Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years.

10. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.

11. In Seattle, Washington it is illegal to sell lollipops. Suckers are fine.

12. It is illegal to walk across the street on your hands in Connecticut

13. Cleveland, Ohio- It is illegal to capture mice without a hunting license.

And that's this week's "Thursday Thirteen"!

Internet Health

2006-07-19T18:55:00.000-05:00

Browsing the internet can lead to health problems. So, in the interest of internet health, let's exercise!

How about a hand, with the suntan lotion?

2006-07-17T15:04:00.000-05:00

Sunday Satire

2006-07-16T06:47:00.000-05:00

Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows Vista: Microsoft Panhandling.

"The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money," recalls Gates. "I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a chance to make a profit without any initial monetary investment. Naturally, this man then became my competition, so I had my limo driver run over him several times."

Microsoft engineers have been working around the clock to complete Gates' vision of panhandling for the 21st century.

"We feel that our program designers really understand how the poor and needy situation works," says Microsoft Homeless product leader Bernard Liu. "Except for the fact that they're stinking rich."

Microsoft Panhandling will be automatically installed with Windows Vista. At random intervals, a dialog box pops up, asking the user if they could spare any change so that Microsoft has enough money to get a hot meal. ("This is a little lie," admits software engineer Adam Miller, "since our diet consists of Coke and Twinkies, but what panhandler doesn't embellish a little?") The user can click Yes, in which case a random amount of change between $.05 and $142.50 is transferred from the user's bank account to Microsoft's. The user can also respond No, in which case the program politely tells the user to have a nice day. The "No" button has not yet been implemented.

"We're experiencing a little trouble programming the No button," Bernard Liu says, "but we should definitely have it up and running within the next couple of years. Or at least by the time the next Windows system comes out in 2014. Maybe."

Gates says this is just the start of an entire line of products.

"Be on the lookout for products like Microsoft Mugging, which either takes $50 or erases your hard drive, and Microsoft Squeegee Guy, which will clean up your Windows for a dollar." (When Microsoft Squeegee Guy ships, Windows Vista will no longer automatically refresh your windows.)

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Computers, Microsoft, Vista

Picto-puzzle 3

2006-07-15T23:55:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-07-14T04:55:00.000-05:00

- In 1989, the space shuttle Discovery carried 32 fertilized chicken eggs into orbit.

- The average day is actually only 23 hours and 56 minutes.

- The space shuttle Discovery can accelerate to a speed of 27,000 kilometres per hour in just eight minutes.

- It takes eight and a half minutes for light to get from the sun to earth.

- A jiffy is an actual unit of time! It's 1/100th of a second.

- In Australia, a dust-devil is called a "willy-willy."

- There is a large brass statue of Winnie-the-Pooh in Lima, Peru.

- Scatologists are experts who study feces. (aka. crap, dung, dookie, dumps, feces, excrement, etc.)

- In China, September 20 is "Love Your Teeth Day."

- Fires onland generally move faster uphill than downhill.

- Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Smiley Expressions

2006-07-13T16:47:00.000-05:00

Here's this week's "Thursday Thirteen"!

1. It's gonna cost how much!!

2. Oh! First I turn off the power. Then I can touch the wires.

3. I'll beat this game if it's the last thing I do!

4. That's the biggest I've ever seen!

5. I'll give you a fatal error!!

6. Don't sneak up on me like that!

7. So. You want my wallet, huh?

8. I don't know why we were in bed together.

9. I won!!!!!

10. Hi. How's it going?

11. Now that's a catchy tune!

12. Riga-fricken traffic!

13. Now that's more like it!

Today's MEMo

2006-07-12T19:44:00.000-05:00

Do you know your ABCs?

Anger Breeds Contempt.
Always Blink Constantly!
After Before Concurrent.
Any Blog Content?
Always Bring Cash!

What ABCs can you think of?

Don't bother the cat in the top left corner

2006-07-10T17:18:00.000-05:00

If you click Neko it will chase your mouse around the screen!

Sunday Satire

2006-07-09T21:40:00.000-05:00

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and much cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop masturbating, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Sunday Satire, Jokes, Computers

Picto-puzzle 2

2006-07-08T16:11:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!

Fun Facts For Friday

2006-07-07T14:42:00.000-05:00

- A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

- A duck's quack doesn't echo.

- On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

- It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. Don't think so? Click here.

- The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

- A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

- Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

- Polar bears are left-handed.

- The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

- Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

- Apples, not caffeine, are better at waking you up in the morning.

Fun Facts For Friday

Thursday's 13 Ways to waste time on the internet

2006-07-06T19:01:00.000-05:00

1. Type in a random URL and go! You'd be surprised at some of the website names out there! www.supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.com

2. Join in the hunt for a buried Volvo, here.

3. Play a rousing game of follow-the-linker!

4. Highlight this text to see what it says.

5. Add your location to the Google Earth Community, so anyone can pinpoint you on the globe using Google Earth!

6. Hop on one foot and tap your head while reading this!

7. Check out some flash games here.

8.

9.

10. Leave a comment here about your favorite thing that is blue.

11. Read the rest of a list of things to do, suggested on a blog, written by a bored person, for no particular reason other than that you are bored.

12. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on someone's roadmaps.

13. Get some advice from a ninja on YouTube

Well, that's today's "Thursday Thirteen". For those of you reading this far, congratulations! You must really be bored! :)

Random Brain Farts - Please excuse my flatulence

2006-07-06T09:59:00.000-05:00

07/07/2006 - Have you hugged your blog today?
07/06/2006 - Today is going to be tomorrow once it's yesterday.

Reality of the Unreal

2006-07-05T11:57:00.000-05:00

Puzzle

How many legs does this elephant have?

POTC Dead Man's Chest Hunt!

2006-07-05T03:41:00.000-05:00

POTC - Find the Volvo XC90 that Volvo buried and you can keep it! Inspired by Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Click here to learn more!

Diet Coke & Mentos

2006-07-04T00:52:00.000-05:00

Do you know what Diet Coke & Mentos have in common? Check this out! You can make a "fountain" from this combination!

A truly fun time-waster

2006-07-03T22:22:00.000-05:00

If you haven't already, check out Vector Park! The Levers game can be fun and challenging!

How to Explode Blog Traffic!

2006-07-03T21:23:00.000-05:00

Here's an interesting read for all you bloggers! Click here to read the original article that inspired this post.

Want to increase your blog traffic? Start by coming up with a catchy name and description for your site. Try to think up something that describes your what your site offers. And most of all, add content to your blog! Write posts, tell a story, tell a joke, and add pictures. Add posts about things that you want to share with others.
Advertise your site any way you can by trading links with other interesting sites, leaving comments with your site link when you read articles that you enjoyed, and basically getting the word out about your site. You can also add your site link to your emails, signup with sites that show off your blog (like Technorati), and submit your site to search engines.
Lastly, be as original as you are! Everyone has a unique perspective on the world, so share that uniqueness with the world by being yourself!

Picto-puzzle 1

2006-07-03T18:33:00.000-05:00

Can you solve the puzzle? Leave your comment with the answer!